Talent Night
by NamesAreTheWorst
Summary: When Ozpin announces Beacon's first ever talent show, teams RWBY and JNPR find themselves in for a wild time. Romance! Action! Adventure! Comedy! These are all things you may or may not find in the Beacon Theater on...Talent Night!


A/N: So…I don't know what to say about this. I've never written a fanfic before, though I've been lurking here for years. I'm not sure where the idea for this came from, but it wouldn't go away, so I had to actually write it. I'm filing it under humor, though I make no promises as to how funny it will actually be. I just don't know where else to put it.

Well that's enough out of me, so without futher ado…

* * *

 **Talent Night**

By NamesAreTheWorst

It is a universally accepted fact that Monday mornings are the worst. The weekend is over and there are five days of work until the next one. It is, in short, misery. Perhaps nowhere was this misery more keenly felt than in a dorm room in the prestigious Beacon Academy. Jaune Arc, leader of team JNPR, lay somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, lamenting the fact that he had only managed forty-five minutes of sleep

The blonde cursed the name of Doctor Bartholomew Oobleck. _Honestly, who assigns a fifteen page paper on Friday to be turned in on Monday?_ His, admittedly stupid, decision to put off the work until Sunday meant he was up until the wee hours of the morning finishing it. He seriously considered rolling over, going back to sleep, and skipping class. In fact, that idea became more appealing by the second. He had just turned over, initiating what he had mentally dubbed _Operation Resting Eagle_ , before he was reminded of one simple, inescapable fact.

No plan survives contact with the enemy.

Or, as the case may be, Nora Valkyrie.

The cry went up. "PANCAKES!" the excitable girl shouted, finally rousing the rest of team JNPR. "Rise and shine, sleepyheads!" For Nora, Monday morning pancakes were more than a tradition. They were more than a ritual. Monday morning pancakes were a way of life. They were the perfect way to start the week and the ultimate team building exercise, or so she claimed.

Jaune finally pried his eyes open, resigned to an especially long and miserable Monday. Slowly levering himself into a sitting position and still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he looked at the rest of his team. Nora, unsurprisingly, bounced excitedly by the door, fully dressed and waiting for the rest of her team.

Lie Ren, also fully dressed, sat cross-legged on his bed, his face a placid and unreadable mask. Jaune knew he liked to take a few minutes to meditate before everyone else woke up, savoring the brief peace of the early morning.

He caught of brief glimpse of red hair disappearing into the bathroom as Pyrrha Nikos set about her morning routine.

All in all, just another Monday morning at Beacon. Jaune ran a hand through his hair, shaking it into the deliberately messy appearance he favored, and set about looking for his school uniform. He finished dressing at roughly the same time Pyrrha reappeared from the bathroom.

The redhead smiled warmly at her leader. "Good morning, Jaune."

Jaune, endlessly amazed by just how much of a morning person his partner was, offered the best smile he could muster in return. "Good mor-" he was interrupted by a jaw cracking yawn "-ning, Pyrrha."

In an instant, Pyrrha stepped over to him, concern written all over her face. "Are you all right, Jaune? Did you not sleep well?"

Jaune grinned slightly at the girl's concern. "No, I slept fine," he said, rubbing the back of his head nervously. "Just, you know, not for long. I was up all night working on that paper for Oobleck."

Shaking her head in an odd combination of amusement and disappointment, she smirked at the boy. "I told you not to leave it to the last minute."

He opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by a long, plaintive sound from Nora. "Pancaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakes."

"Calm down, Nora," Ren urged, walking over. "We're coming."

Yup. Definitely a typical Monday morning.

* * *

When Jaune and company finally arrived at the cafeteria, they were greeted by yet another typical Monday morning scene: subdued and sleepy students getting breakfast, trying to delay the start of classes as much as possible. Jaune looked around, knowing that team RWBY had probably beaten them to their usual table. Sure enough, the four girls were already seated and eating. Ruby noticed them and waved them over, way too energetically for so early in the morning, at least in Jaune's opinion.

Nora disappeared in a blur that would have given Ruby a run for her money, making a beeline for the pancake station. Several weeks earlier she had appointed herself Minister of Pancake Procurement, claiming that nobody else did it right. How the rest of them did it wrong or how she did it better, nobody knew. They knew better than to ask, however.

Pyrrha and Ren started toward their table to join team RWBY, content that Nora would be back shortly with more pancakes than they could ever hope to eat. Jaune started to follow, but hesitated, his gaze drifting toward the coffee station that rested along one wall. He normally hated the stuff, but oh, if that scent wasn't a veritable siren call right now. He broke off from the group and headed for the life-giving caffeine.

He picked up a mug and turned his attention to the surprisingly wide selection of coffee blends, jumping a little when he realized that there was someone next to him. "Oh, uh, good morning, Professor Ozpin." Jaune tilted his head in confusion.

It was unusual to see the headmaster here in the mornings. He didn't make a habit of joining the students for breakfast. More confusing than that though, was he _pouring coffee into his cane_? Surely not. The boy blinked and found the headmaster watching him with an amused twinkle in his eye over the rim of his ever present coffee mug. The cane was firmly in his hand, nowhere near the coffee pot. It must have been a trick of his sleep deprived mind.

"Mister Arc," Ozpin replied simply.

Jaune glanced past Ozpin and to his team at the table. True to form, Nora had returned with a truly ludicrous stack of pancakes and was trying to distribute them to everyone, including a reluctant team RWBY. Jaune turned his attention back to Ozpin. "We don't see you in here very often, sir."

"Hmm," the older man nodded, taking another sip of coffee. "I have an announcement to make today." At the panic that spread across Jaune's face, he continued, "Nothing bad, I assure you. Dare I say, it may even be fun?"

As was so often the case with Ozpin, Jaune didn't quite know how to respond. "Well I'm, uh, looking forward to it, I guess. I'd…better get back to my team now."

"Oh, of course. Don't let me keep you, Mister Arc."

He nodded and moved around the professor, taking a sip of his own coffee, and rejoined his team, sitting in the open space between Ren and Pyrrha. Instantaneously, a plate loaded with half a dozen pancakes appeared in front of him. "Thanks, Nora." The girl giggled in acknowledgement and attacked her own breakfast with a gusto usually reserved for hordes of Grimm.

Jaune looked across the table and suddenly felt all traces of exhaustion leave his body in an instant. As luck would have it, he was sitting across from Weiss today. He grinned as the heiress took a dainty, oh so classy and sophisticated bite of pancake. He leaned across the table to speak to the white-haired girl.

Judging by the gleam in Yang's eye, the blonde sensed her morning entertainment about to begin. She nudged Ruby and Blake to draw their attention to the festivities as well. Ruby looked up curiously. Blake rolled her eyes and turned the page of the book she was reading. On the JNPR side of the table, Pyrrha gave one of her strangely complicated sighs, this one managing to be sympathetic and forlorn at the same time. Ren remained stoic as ever, a minute shake of his head the only indication that he knew what was about to happen. Nora ate her breakfast, bouncing in her seat and singing an impromptu and nonsensical song about pancakes under her breath.

Jaune, of course, noticed none of this as he began to speak. "So, Snow Angel, how was your weekend?"

Yang had to force back a delighted squeal. Jaune's attempted flirtings always got the best reaction out of Weiss first thing in the morning. Weiss looked up from her breakfast, the derision in her gaze almost palpable. Jaune sank back in his seat slightly, sensing her irritation as she seemed to decide how to respond.

 _Oooooh_ , _the slow build_ , Yang thought. _This is going to be a good one_. She watched the heiress with visible excitement.

Weiss opened her mouth to speak, only to be cut off by the high-pitched whine of microphone feedback. "Attention, students," the voice of Glynda Goodwitch carried through the room. "Professor Ozpin has an announcement he would like to make at this time."

At the front of the room, Ozpin accepted the microphone from Goodwitch. "Thank you, Glynda," he said. "Good morning, students. I know you all have class shortly, so as always, I will keep this brief. It is my distinct pleasure to announce that on Friday evening at eight o'clock in the main auditorium, Beacon Academy will host its first annual…"

Goodwitch leaned over and whispered something in the headmaster's ear.

"Don't be ridiculous, Glynda, of course there's such a thing a first annual." Goodwitch rolled her eyes as Ozpin pressed on. "Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Beacon will host its first annual talent show." An intrigued buzz of conversation broke out among the student body. Ozpin simply spoke a little louder to drown out the noise. "A signup sheet will be located outside the auditorium, and will be available until Wednesday evening. I look forward to seeing the acts you put together."

Having said his piece, Ozpin turned off the microphone and handed it back to Goodwitch, making his way through the crowd. Teams JNPR and RWBY looked up in surprise when he stopped next to their table. "Miss Rose?"

Ruby's head tilted to the side in puzzlement. "Yes, sir?"

The headmaster's grin was mostly hidden behind his coffee mug. "I'm wondering if you plan on participating in the show."

The girl stammered, more confused than ever. "Oh, I, um, probably not. I don't really have any talents outside of combat."

Ozpin nodded as though this were the exact response he was hoping for. "In that case, how would you like to serve as the event's stage manager?"

Ruby gasped, her eyes widening, "Really? I would love to! That sounds like so much fun!"

Ozpin nodded again. "Excellent. If you'll accompany Professor Goodwitch, she'll give you all the details."

Ruby was on her feet in a flash, a handful of rose petals drifting into her newly empty seat. "I won't let you down, sir." She gave the headmaster a quick salute and followed Goodwitch out.

Ozpin nodded at the seven students remaining at the table and wandered off, sipping from his mug again. They sat in stunned silence for a moment, looking around at each other. "So," Jaune ventured. "Talent show. That's…something."

"It's wonderful!" Everyone turned to Weiss, shocked at the excitement in her voice. "It's a chance to once again demonstrate my magnificence." Before anyone could fully process her words, she was on her feet and walking away. "I need to come up with an act."

As usual, Yang was the one to say what everyone was thinking. "What the hell just happened?"

Pyrrha blinked a few times. "I'm…not entirely certain."

A loud gasp directed everyone's attention to Nora. The animated girl leaned back to look at Pyrrha across Ren and Jaune's backs. "Pyrrha, this is your chance to tell you-know-who about you-know-what!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Nora," Pyrrha muttered as her face flushed red.

"Sure you do," Nora replied, giving a small but pointed nod at Jaune's back.

Jaune kept looking back and forth between Pyrrha and Nora. "What are you two talking about?"

"Nothing." The response came in stereo from both girls

Suddenly, Nora was on her feet. "It's perfect! We'll even help you."

Ren looked up, a tiny trace of fear finding its way to his face. "We?"

"That's right, Renny. We." Pyrrha and Ren found themselves in Nora's iron grip as she dragged them out of the room. "We've got to get to work." Her voice slowly faded out as she tossed out a rapid fire stream of ideas.

"Should we help them?" Blake had finally turned her attention away from her book, apparently.

Jaune shook his head, confusion still evident in his expression. "Nah, Nora's mostly harmless. They'll be fine. I think…."

And with that, Blake shrugged and turned her attention back to her book.

Yang looked down at her empty plate, unsure how to react to everything that had just happened. She was about to make a joke about it when a clatter made her look up at Jaune. The boy had dropped his fork on to the plate and now sat stock still, back perfectly straight, eyes wide. "This is my chance," he whispered.

"Uh…pardon?" Yang wasn't a fan of the look in Jaune's eye.

Jaune blinked, a smile spreading across his face. "This is my chance to get Weiss to notice me. And I know just how to do it."

Once again, Yang started to make a joke. Once again she was stopped short, this time as Jaune pushed away from the table and sprinted out of the cafeteria.

Crossing her arms, Yang looked over at her partner. "Blake, do you ever feel like we're the only sane ones in our group?"

Blake's yellow eyes slowly moved from her book and up to meet Yang's eyes. She raised an eyebrow skeptically. "We?"

* * *

A/N: So that just happened. Questions? Comments? Concerns? I'd love to hear them. I've got some great (or absurd) acts planned. I hope you enjoyed the first stage of my foray into fanfiction.

Thanks for stopping by.

I'll see you when I see you.


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